Moulton's Nickelodeon
Moulton - Nov 11, 2005 5:59 am
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
Here, in no particular order, we will reprise and anthologize various and sundry original musicial numbers produced by Barsoom Tork Associates.
Moulton - Nov 11, 2005 6:15 am (#1 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
Tell Me Why
Tell me why-yi-yi-yi you lied,
And why you cry-yi-yied to me-yee...
Tell me why-yi-yi-yi you lied,
And why you cry-yi-yied to me-yee ! ! !
Well I gave you every thought I had
But you left me posting on my own
Did you have to treat me oh so bad?
All I do is click my mouse and groan
Tell me why-yi-yi-yi you lied,
And why you cry-yi-yied to me-yee...
Tell me why-yi-yi-yi you lied,
And why you cry-yi-yied to me-yee ! ! !
Well I gave you every song I had
But you left me stalking on my own
Did you have to treat me oh so bad?
All I do is drag my mouse and groan
Tell me why-yi-yi-yi you lied,
And why you cry-yi-yied to me-yee...
Tell me why-yi-yi-yi you lied,
And why you cry-yi-yied to-hoo me-hee ! ! !
CopyClef 2003-2005 John Lennon, Paul McCartney, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North Amurcan Bupkis, Reclusive Internet Dementors.
"At North Amurcan Bupkis, we've finally had enough of this horse shit."
Moulton - Nov 11, 2005 6:20 am (#2 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
Razz Barry Field Day Forever
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Razz Barry Fields
Nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about!
Razz Barry Field Day Forever
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out,
It doesn't matter much to me
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Razz Barry Fields
Nothing is real, and nothing to get stung about!
Razz Barry Field Day Forever
No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low
That is you can't, you know, tune in but it's all right,
That is I think it's not too bad
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Razz Barry Fields
Nothing is real, and nothing to get strung up about!
Razz Barry Field Day Forever
Always, no sometimes, think it's me,
But you know I know when it's a scream
I think I know I mean a 'Yes' but it's all wrong,
That is I think I'm being creamed
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Razz Barry Fields
Nothing is real, and nothing to get gung-ho about!
Razz Barry Field Day Forever
Razz Barry Field Day Forever
Razz Barry Field Day Forever!
Moulton - Nov 11, 2005 6:26 am (#3 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
A Web Forum Anthem
North Amurcan Bupkis, reclusive Internet dementors.
Moulton - Nov 11, 2005 6:34 am (#4 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
A Farewell To Harms
At a Forum in Web-X one morning,
Waiting for my page to load,
A wanker poster on a mission
Came to scape the latest goat;
I told them I was on my way
To old Moulton's space;
They all gathered about,
As the lurkers pulled out,
And said, with a smile:
Give my regrets to Bela,
Remember me to Halo too,
Tell all the gang at ATI/RI,
That I will soon be screwed;
Whisper of how I'm learning
To bicker with the cliquish throng,
Give my regrets to the Bela fella,
And say that I'll smack him with a song.Say hello to dear old Recycla,
If her you chance to see,
When you're at the Opera have a lark,
And blame it all on me;Mention my real name ev'ry place you go,
As 'round the klown you foam;
Wish you'd call on my slum,
Now remember, old chum,
When you get back-stabbed:
Snicker of how I'm yearningGive my regrets to Bela,
Remember me to Halo too,
Tell all the gang at ATI/RI,
That I will soon be screwed;
To dicker with the old time throng,
Give my regrets to the Bela fella,
And say that I'll sneak back e'er long.
CopyClef 2005 Barsoom Tork Associates.
North Amurcan Bupkis, exclusive Web-X terminators.
"At North Amurcan Bupkis, we're funnier and more annoying than Bela."
Moulton - Nov 11, 2005 6:43 am (#5 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
Bugger Bugger
Do Ya' Think I'm Crazy?
Bugger Bugger Mmmm ... ooh
He’s so nervous avoiding all the questions His mouth is dry, my heart is gently pounding Don’t you just know exactly what they’re thinking
If you want my bogons and you think I’m sexy Come on Bugger let me know. If you really need me just reach out and tweak me Come on Homeboy tell me so Tell me so Bela
He’s acting brash, looking for an answer Come on Homeboy let’s spend three years together Now hold on a minute before we go much further Give me a dime so I can phone my brother They catch a link to Tork's low brow web server At last you can tell exactly why their hearts beat
If you want my bogons and you think I’m sexy Come on Homeboy tell me so If you really need me just reach out and tweak me Come on Bugger let me know
His heart’s beating like a drum ’Cos at last he’s got this fella on the run Relax Bela now we're almost done
Two total strangers but that ain’t what they’re thinking Outside it’s cold, misty and it’s raining They got each other neither one’s complaining He says I'm sorry but I’m out of tease and coffee Never mind Bugger, we can watch the early movie
If you want my bogons and you think I’m crazy Come on Bugger let me know If you really need me just reach out and tweak me Come on Homey tell me so
If you really need me just reach out and tweak me Come on Bugger let me know If you really, really, really, really need me Just let me know Just reach out and tweak me
If you really want me just reach out and taunt me Come on Bugger let me know If you really need me just reach out and tweak me Come on Bugger let me know If you, if you, if you really need me Just come on and tell me so
CopyClef 2005 Rod Stewart and Barsoom Tork Associates. North Amurcan Bupkis, Reclusive Internet Dementors.
"At North Amurcan Bupkis, our annoying music is your everlasting earworm."
Moulton - Nov 11, 2005 6:47 am (#6 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
Give Us This Day Our Unleavened Bread
Matzoh Man Matzoh Man
Bogons...wanna feel my bogons? Bogons...such a thrill my bogons Bogons...wanna crunch my bogons? Bogons...it's too much my bogons Check it out my bogons bogons. Don't you doubt my bogons bogons. Talkin' bout my bogons bogons Check it out my bogons
Every man wants to be a Matzoh Matzoh Man To have the kind of bogons always in demand Blogging in the mornings - blow by blow Burns out all the forums - tussels aglow You can best believe that he's a Matzoh Man Ready to get flattened with anyone he can
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Matzoh, Matzoh Man (Matzoh Man) I've got to be, a Matzoh Man Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be a Matzoh! Ow....
Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be, a Matzoh Man Matzoh, Matzoh Man (yeah, yeah) I've got to be a Matzoh!
Bogons, its so hot, my bogons, Bogons, love to pop my bogons, Bogons, love to please my bogons, Bogons, don't you tease my bogons, Bogons, you'll adore my bogons, Bogons, come explore my bogons, Bogons, made by a clod, my bogons, Bogons, it's so good, my bogons
You can tell a Matzoh, he has a funky walk His western shirts and leather, always look so dross Funky with his bogons, such a drama king Call him Mister Fleagle, dig his brains You can best believe that, he's a Matzoh Man Likes to be the leader, he never dresses bland
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be, a Matzoh Man Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be a Matzoh! (all right)
Matzoh, Matzoh Man (yeah, yeah) I've got to be, a Matzoh Man Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be a Matzoh! All Right!
Ugh! Matzoh...Bela! Bogons, bogons, bogons wanna feel my bogons, Bogons, bogons, bogons gonna thrill my bogons, Bogons, bogons, bogons don'tcha stop my bogons, Bogons, bogons, bogons it's so hot my bogons,
Every man ought to be a Matzoh Matzoh Man, To live a life of freedom, Matzohs make a stand, Have their own life style and ideals, Possess the strength and confidence, life's a steal, You can best believe that he's a Matzoh Man He's a special person in anybody's land.
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Matzoh, Matzoh Man (Matzoh Man) I've got to be, a Matzoh Man Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be a Matzoh! (dig the scar on my breast)
Matzoh, Matzoh Man (see my slick panache) I've got to be, a Matzoh Man Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be a Matzoh! (Dig loud corkers)
Matzoh, Matzoh Man (dig my tussels!) I've got to be, a Matzoh Man Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be a Matzoh!
Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be, a Matzoh Man Matzoh, Matzoh Man I've got to be a Matzoh! HEY!
CopyClef 2005 The Village People and Barsoom Tork Associates.
All Wrongs Reversed.
North Amurcan Bupkis, Exclusive Internet Deflators.
"At North Amurcan Bupkis, Ain't We Got Phun?"
Moulton - Nov 11, 2005 6:53 am (#7 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
Web Side Story
Moulton - Nov 11, 2005 6:57 am (#8 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
The Day Due Process Died
North American Pie
CopyClef 2005 Don McLean and Barsoom Tork Associates.A long, long time ago... I can still remember How that music used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance That I could make that Lego dance And, maybe, they'd be happy for a while.But Reynaldo made me shiver With every posting I'd deliver. Bad news on the doorstep; I couldn't take one more schlepp.
I can't remember if I cried When I learned about Recycla's pride, But something touched me deep inside The day Due Process died.
So bye-bye, North American Pie. Drove my 'puter to the snooter, But the snooter was sly. And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye Singin', "This'll be the day that I die. "This'll be the day that I die."
Did you write the Book of Thoth, And do you have faith in Bela's troth, If sweet Noirette tells you so? Do you believe in rock 'n roll, Can music save your mortal soul, And can you play the Numa Dance real slow?
Helter skelter in a summer swelter. The birds flew off with a fallout shelter, Eight miles high and falling fast. It landed foul on leaves of grass. The players tried for a forward pass, With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.
Now the half-time air was sweet perfume While the sergeant played a drumbeat tune. We all got up to dance, Oh, but we never got the chance! 'Cause the players tried to take the field; The Muppet band refused to yield. Do you recall what was revealed The day Due Process died?
We started singing, "Bye-bye, North American Pie." Drove my 'puter to the snooter, But the snooter was sly. Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye And singin', "This'll be the day that I die. "This'll be the day that I die."
Oh, and there we were all in one thread, A generation lost in dread With no time left to start again. So come on: Hobbes be nimble, Hobbes be quick! Hobbes sat smack on a candlestick Cause fire is the devil's only friend.
Oh, and as I watched him on the stage My hands were clenched in fists of rage. No angel born in hell Could break that Satan's spell. And as the flames climbed high into the night To light the sacrificial rite, I saw Satan laughing with delight The day Due Process died.
He was singing, "Bye-bye, North American Pie." Drove my 'puter to the snooter, But the snooter was sly. Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye And singin', "This'll be the day that I die. "This'll be the day that I die."
North Amurcan Bupkis, Reclusive Internet Dementors."At North Amurcan Bupkis, we think the hosts of ATI/RI/GP/DR are cowardly weenies."
Barsoom Tork - Nov 11, 2005 7:02 am (#9 of 65)
Anthropologist From Mars
Shattered Dreams
Heart Of Glass
Barsoom Tork - Nov 11, 2005 7:13 am (#10 of 65)
Anthropologist From Mars
Identify Fiend Or Foof
Headline Noose: A score of Muppets were arrested in PDR, and charged with aggravated insult. Rumors of a jailbreak are circulating in the back-channels of the Frumious Foof-World Government.
Jailhouse Rock
Barsoom Tork - Nov 11, 2005 7:18 am (#11 of 65)
Anthropologist From Mars
What's Past Is Prologue
Prologue and Mockingbird Overture
Bildungsroman in the Age of Character Assassination
Barsoom Tork reaches for his bible, Anguish in Taunt and Reaction, by Essenem Hayacaca. Barsoom opens his biblical tome, which presents the latest theological insights into the emerging field of Emotional Semantics and Emotional Semiotics. Barsoom turns to one of the bookmarked hymns toward the back of the book.Montana Mouse, decked out in his trademark porkpie hat and red neckerchief, accompanies Barsoom on the banjo...
Mockingbird
Hush, little Belabot, don't say a word,
Barsoom's gonna show you a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird don't sing,
Barsoom's gonna turn to a poetry fling.And if that poetry turns out crass
Barsoom's gonna hold up a looking glass.
And if that looking glass gets broke,
Barsoom's gonna bring in a flying goat.And if that flying goat won't act,
Barsoom's gonna read you a scholarly tract.
And if that scholarly tract don't work,
Barsoom's gonna look like a stupid jerque.And if that stupid jerque's a bore
Barsoom's gonna gin up a verbal war.
And if that anguish makes you frown,
You'll still be the cutest little robot in town.So hush, little Belabot, don't you cry
Barsoom's gonna fix us some nice stir phry.CopyClef 2001 by Yugo Gurl and Essenem Hayacaca.
Adapted and Performed by Barsoom Tork and Montana Mouse.
North Amurcan Bupkis, Exclusive Internet Distributors.
"At North Amurcan Bupkis, we solemnly swear we're up to no good."
Archos - Nov 11, 2005 9:23 am (#12 of 65)
i do forums
Hey, thanks, Moulton!
That's wonderful!
Now we only
have to overcome the paranoia of everybody that leaving an IP number at
your file server comes close to physical annihilation.
Barry.Kort - Nov 11, 2005 9:24 am (#13 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
How about if I limit myself to running a lame Denial of Service Attack on their host?
Speaking
of which, I find that if I run my fastest machine in a tight loop, I
can spin up the hit counter on ATI at the rate of 4 hits per second,
compared to a nominal rate of 3 hits per minute.
Archos - Nov 11, 2005 9:34 am (#14 of 65)
i do forums
Speaking of which, I find that if I run my fastest machine in a tight loop, I can spin up the hit counter on ATI at the rate of 4 hits per second.
Please don't!
We really need some empirical data on what is happening in this forum. Otherwise we'll be completely subjective in our interpretation of what is going on here
Barry.Kort - Nov 11, 2005 9:42 am (#15 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
The hit counter on ATI is an unregulated freebie that anyone can use.
You can create as many separate counters as you like. Hobbes uses a
single counter to tally all hits on any and all threads in ATI. If you
load just the GIF of the hit counter itself, it automagically
increments: 
The site may or may not also provide detailed statistics on referring URLs. I haven't looked into that one, but the one on his Blog site does evidently does report such stats: 
Archos - Nov 11, 2005 9:44 am (#16 of 65)
i do forums
Barsoom Tork, "Moulton's Nickelodeon" #9, 11 Nov 2005 7:02 am
I love Heart of Glass.
Did you write that yourself. And when did you come up with it?
EDIT: Blondie, o.k., I was familiar with the tune, but didn't know who sung it, but WHEN did you adapt it for your purpose?
Your lyrics are great.
Somehow
this excruciating experience of the last year or so turned you into an
artist (if you haven't always been one and only choose to hide it).
Barry.Kort - Nov 11, 2005 9:51 am (#17 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
Heart of Glass is adapted from a hit number of the same name by Blondie.
I first posted it on the morning of August 14th, first it PDR and then in Soap Opera.
Somehow this excruciating experience of the last year or so turned you into an artist (if you haven't always been one and only choose to hide it).
I don't have any musical talent, so the best I can do is to adapt the lyrics of well-known numbers into song parodies. I began to do that last summer, after Recycla booted me out of ATI for embedding a music video on the ATI Soap Opera Thread.
Montana Mouse - Nov 11, 2005 10:31 am (#18 of 65)
I never signed up to be an Internet movie star.
Barsoom Tork is my name, and I drove on the Chutney train, Til so much rivalry came and tore up the tracks again. In the spring of '98, we were rollin, just trollin for bait. I took the train to Meta, that hell, it was a time I remember, oh so well.
The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the bells were ringing, The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the people were stingin'. They went Na, Na, na, na, na, na, Blah, blah, buh blah, Buh blah blah, blah blah
Back with Moonbeam at GTE, and one day she said to me, "Moulton, quick, come see, a-there goes Phillip K. Lee!" Now I don't mind choppin' wood, and I don't care if Toxanna's no good. Just take what ya need and erase the rest, But they should never have wiped out the very best.
The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the bells were ringing, The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the people were stingin'. They went Na, Na, na, na, na, na, Blah, blah, buh blah, Buh blah blah, blah blah
Like my father before me, I'm a working man, And like McDee before me, I took a rebel stand. Well, he was just pissed off, proud and brave, But a Kaibosh laid him in his grave, I swear by the verse below my feet, You can't raise the Torkel back up when its in defeat.
The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the bells were ringing, The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the people were stingin'. They went Na, Na, na, na, na, na, Blah, blah, buh blah, Buh blah blah, blah blah
CopyClef 1998 Joan Baez and Barsoom Tork Associates. In Association with the Cafe Chutney Skewer and Roast Gang.
Montana Mouse - Nov 11, 2005 10:35 am (#19 of 65)
I never signed up to be an Internet movie star.
Stalking the Wild Aspersions
Bird Dog Beliza is a jerker (he's a nerd) A very snarky jerker (he's a turd) But when he jerks my theory (he's a clod) His jerkin' ain't so funny (what a sod) Beliza is a jerker who's a'tryin' to steal my thunder (he's a nerd sod)
Hey, nerd clod get outta my face Hey, turd sod you're on a route-trace Bird dog you better leave Moulton's PlaySpace alone Hey, nerd sod get away from my threads Hey, nerd clod you better get check out your dreads Bird dog you better find a foofy little schtik of your own
Beliza sings a drub song (like a nerd) He sings the loudest snub song (ya ever heard) But when he barfs in my face (what a howl) To me he's just a wolf dog (on the prowl) Beliza wants to fly away and schlubby-drub me crazy (he's a bird dog)
Hey, bird dog get outta my face Hey, bird dog you're on a route-trace Bird dog you better leave Moulton's PlaySpace alone Hey, nerd clod get away from my threads Hey, nerd sod you better check out your dreads Bird dog you better find a foofy little schtik of your own
Beliza dissed the creature (he's a bird) He tiptoed up to reach her (he's a turd) Well he's the creature's slut now (he's a dog) He wants what he can get now (what a hog) He even made Recycla let him start a brand new thread (he's a bird dog)
Hey, bird dog get outta my face Hey, bird dog you're on a route-trace Bird dog you better leave Moulton's PlaySpace alone Hey, nerd clod get away from my thread Hey, nerd sod you better get check out your dreads Bird dog you better find a foofy little schtik of your own
SloppyClef Barsoom Tork and the Everly Brothers. North Amurcan Bupkis, exclusive Internet disruptor."At North Amurcan Bupkis, you'll wish you never heard of any of us."
Montana Mouse - Nov 11, 2005 10:46 am (#20 of 65)
I never signed up to be an Internet movie star.
Ol' Greek Chorus
Lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II and the Skewer and Roast Tribe
Music by Jerome Kern
From Showboat (1927) and Cafe Utne (1998)
Montana Mouse - Nov 11, 2005 11:03 am (#21 of 65)
I never signed up to be an Internet movie star.
Beyond Belief
I'm a Believer
By Neil Diamond and Barsoom Tork
I thought shock was only true in horror shows
Meant for someone else but not for me.
Shock was out to get me
That's the way it seemed.
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.I thought shock was more or less a human thing,Then I saw that face, now I'm a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
I'm in shock, I'm a believer!
I couldn't grieve more if I cried.
Seems the more I gave the less I got.
What's the use in tryin'?
All you get is drained.
When I needed Oxytocin I got pain.
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
I'm in shock, I'm a believer!
I couldn't grieve more if I cried.
CopyClef 2005 Barsoom Tork Associates.
Montana Mouse - Nov 11, 2005 11:14 am (#22 of 65)
I never signed up to be an Internet movie star.
Album: Dirty Douching Artist: Bruce Channel and Barsoom Tork Song: Hey Bela!
Hey, hey hey Bela! I want to know-ho-ho if you'll be my kvetch Hey, hey hey Bela! I want to know if you'll be my kvetch
When I saw you surfing on the net I said that's the kind of jerk I'd like to vet He's so bitchy, folks he can whine I'm gonna make him toe that line
Hey, hey hey Bela! I want to know if you'll be my kvetch
When you bolted and bounded away That's when I had to say C'mon Bela, give me a retch I want to know if you'll be my kvetch
Hey, hey hey Bela! I want to know if you'll be my kvetch
When you bolted and bounded away That's when I had to say C'mon Bela, give me a retch I want to know if you'll be my kvetch
Hey, hey hey Bela! I want to know if you'll be my kvetch Hey, hey hey hey hey, Bela C'mon, Bela now.....
Montana Mouse - Nov 11, 2005 11:45 am (#23 of 65)
I never signed up to be an Internet movie star.
Rapier Croon
Montana Mouse - Nov 11, 2005 12:11 pm (#24 of 65)
I never signed up to be an Internet movie star.
I was born in the wake of a terrible war My mama used to bake for the kids at the door Papa would teach whatever he could Preach a little science, Tell a coupla boys they'd better be goodGeeks, nerds, awkward dweebs We'd hear it from the kids on the block They'd call us geeks, nerds, awkward dweebs But every day the boss would come around And lay his money downPicked up a girl just south of the docks Gave her a ride, plus a bagel and lox She was nineteen, I was twenty-two But I was too shy Just to know what to doGeeks, nerds, awkward dweebs We'd hear it from the kids on the block They'd call us geeks, nerds, awkward dweebs But every week the boss would come around And lay our wages downNever had street smarts but she treated me well With her kind, gentle, laid back smile Decades later I'm a man in despair And I haven't felt joy in a while, nope-nope I haven't felt joy in a while, nope.He was born in the wake of a terrible war His mama used to bake for the kids at the door Grandpa would teach whatever he could Preach a little science, Tell a bunch of kids they gotta be good
Geeks, nerds, annoying dorks We'd hear it from the jerks on the net They'd call us geeks, nerds, annoying dorks But every month the boss would come around And lay the money downGeeks, nerds, annoying dorks We'd hear it from the jerks on the net They'd call us geeks, annoying dorks But every year the boss would come around And lay our bonus down
CopyClef 2005 Cher and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Pseudohermes - Nov 11, 2005 6:50 pm (#25 of 65)
don't shoot the Albatross
What you put up here within a day is amazing, Moulton.
A whole music library.
And it digests more of your forum experience of the last year than you ever admitted. Or are aware of perhaps?
The last one, Geeks, Nerds, Awkward Dweebs, almost makes me cries, both for the lyrics and for the tune.
Bela's Clue - Nov 11, 2005 9:03 pm (#26 of 65)
Tell Me Why
Portions of the lyrics are autobiographical.
Writing music
— even if it's just ripping off lyrics into a parody — is about the
only way I know of to create Oxytocin out of the aethereal vacuum.
Pseudomarx - Nov 11, 2005 9:22 pm (#27 of 65)
the return of class struggle
Edited by Archos Nov 11, 2005 9:26 pm
Editor's comment: copying Moulton's Smooth Operator into this thread
But if you have the System Model as a given, you can just solve it straight-away to get the optimally smooth controller.
Smooth Operator
He's laughing with another girl And playing with another heart. Placing high stakes, making hearts ache. He's loved in seven languages. Diamond nights and ruby lights, high in the sky. Heaven help him, when he falls.
Diamond life, lover boy. We move in space with minimum waste and maximum joy. City lights and business nights. When you require streetcar desire for higher heights.
No place for beginners or sensitive hearts When sentiment is left to chance. No place to be ending but somewhere to start.
No need to ask. He's a smooth operator, smooth operator, smooth operator, smooth operator.
Coast to coast, LA to Chicago, western male. Across the north and south, to Key Largo, love for sale.
Face to face, each classic case. We shadow box and double cross, Yet need the chase.
A license to love, insurance to hold. Melts all your memories and change into gold. His eyes are like angels but his heart is cold.
No need to ask. He's a smooth operator, smooth operator, smooth operator, smooth operator.
Coast to coast, LA to Chicago, western male. Across the north and south, to Key Largo, love for sale.
Smooth operator, smooth operator, smooth operator, smooth operator, smooth operator...
Pseudomarx - Nov 11, 2005 9:29 pm (#28 of 65)
the return of class struggle
It's a real gift, Clue. I can't do this. But I can copy.
Alfred E. Neuman - Nov 11, 2005 10:03 pm (#29 of 65)
It's Crackers to Slip a Rozzer the Dropsy in Snide.
That one is the original, not a parody. I liked the notion of a song
about a 'smooth operator' as that's also a term from mathematics.
Pseudomarx II - Nov 11, 2005 10:21 pm (#30 of 65)
imagine Marx had created a forum ...
Edited by Barry Kort Nov 12, 2005 7:24 am
Wishing the forum a good night's sleep:
I love Barsoom's Funeral March of Marionettes:
Alfred Hitchcock adopted Gounod's Funeral March of the Marionettes as his theme music. Did you know there were lyrics to it?
Funeral March of the Marionettes
Homo Ludens is on the loose!
Homo Ludens escaped the noose!
He's on a spree!
What can this be?
Maybe he's cooked his goose.
Archos - Nov 12, 2005 10:47 am (#31 of 65)
i do forums
Alfred E. Neuman, "The Age of Google" #72, 11 Nov 2005 9:52 pm
The Pity of Dead Forums
Deriding on the Pity of Dead Forums, Login Window Monday morning fail Fifteen threads and fifteen restless posters, Three detractors and twenty-five attacks of rail.
All along the pointless odyssey The pain pulls at my bended knee Rolls along past game scores, slams and feeds. Passin' strains that have no names, Scroll bars full of old grey bands And the graveyards of the busted logic screeds.
CHORUS: Good morning Web Crossing, how are you? Don't you know me I'm your native scum, I'm the pain they call The Pity of Dead Forums, I'll be gone five hundred posts when the day is done.
Dealin' words games with the jokers in the club thread. Penny a point ain't no one keepin' score. Slide the neon mouse that moves the pointer Feel the thumb wheels gliding 'neath the pad.
And the sons of sporting chatters And the sons of engineers Ride their father's magic carpets made of bits. Mothers with their feet asleep, Are rockin' to the gentle beat And the rhythm of the rants is all they feel.
CHORUS
Nighttime on The Pity of Dead Forums, Changing topics in case you didn't see. Half way home, we'll be dull by morning Through the misty snippy darkness Rolling down to the sea.
And all the talk and people seem To fade into a bad dream And the open windows still ain't heard the news. The detractor sings his song again, The patrons will please refrain This forum's got the disappearing traffic blues.
Good night, Web Crossing, how are you? Don't you know me I'm your native scum, I'm the pain they call The Pity of Dead Forums, I'll be gone five hundred posts when the day is done.
CopyClef 2005 Steve Goodman, Arlo Guthrie, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Hammurabi - Nov 13, 2005 8:43 am (#32 of 65)
1. If any one ensnare another, putting a ban upon him, but he can not prove it, then he that ensnared him shall be put to death.
Barsoom Tork is my name, and I drove on the damn vile train, Til so much rivalry came and tore up the tracks again. In the spring of mindfulness, we were rollin, just trollin for bait. I took the train to Ghetto, that hell, it was a time I remember, oh so well.
The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the bells were ringing, The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the people were stingin'. They went Na, Na, na, na, na, na, Blah, blah, buh blah, Buh blah blah, blah blah
Back with Kitty at Epiphany, and one day she said to me, "Moulton, quick, come see, a-there goes MTV!" Now I don't mind choppin' wood, and I don't care if Reynaldo's no good. Just take what ya need and erase the rest, But they should never have wiped out the very best.
The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the bells were ringing, The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the people were stingin'. They went Na, Na, na, na, na, na, Blah, blah, buh blah, Buh blah blah, blah blah
Like my father before me, I'm a working man, And like Klatu before me, I took a rebel stand. Well, he was just pissed off, proud and brave, But Recyla laid him in his grave, I swear by the verse below my feet, You can't raise the Torkel back up when its in defeat.
The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the bells were ringing, The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the people were stingin'. They went Na, Na, na, na, na, na, Blah, blah, buh blah, Buh blah blah, blah blah
CopyClef 2005 Joan Baez and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Barry.Kort - Nov 13, 2005 11:09 pm (#33 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
Barry.Kort - Nov 13, 2005 11:13 pm (#34 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
Goat Getter
Barry.Kort - Nov 13, 2005 11:16 pm (#35 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?
Barry.Kort - Nov 13, 2005 11:20 pm (#36 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
Giddoudahere!!!
Get Offa My Claude
Barry.Kort - Nov 13, 2005 11:32 pm (#37 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
A Snotty Number
CopyClef Richard Rogers, Oscar Hammerstein and Barsoom Tork Associates.Pariah From The Sound of Mucous
How do you solve
A problem like Pariah?
How do you catch
A snark and pin it down?
How do you find a word
That means Pariah?
A snake in the grass!
A Katzenjammer!
A clown!
Many a thing you know
You'd like to tell him,
Many a thing he ought
To understand.
But how do you make him sane,
And care about your pain?
How do you keep a knave
Upright and grand?
Oh, how do you solve
A problem like Pariah?
How do you mold
A screwball in your land?
How do you solve
A problem like Messiah?
How do you catch
A passion and nail it down?
How do you find a word
That means Messiah?
A fly on the wall!
A publicist! A clown!
North Amurcan Bupkis, Exclusive Internet RingTone Distributors."At North Amurcan Bupkis, we have no original material whatsoever."
Barry.Kort - Nov 13, 2005 11:39 pm (#38 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
Halo?? Salut?? Sunt Eu, un Haiduc.
This happened twice before,
When I came to your door,
No reply.
They said it wasn't true,
But I saw your IP through my server,
I saw the click, I saw the click,
I know that you heard me,
'Cause I looked up to see your route-trace.I tried to ghost a blog,
They said you weren't a cog,
That's a lie,
'Cause I know where you've been,
I saw you click on your mouse, twelve times,
I nearly sighed, I nearly sighed,
'Cause you balked keyboard in hand
From another grandstand in my face.If I were you I'd realize that I
Know you more than any other creep,
And I'll forgive the lies that I
Heard before when you gave me no reply.
I've tried to pseudo-post,
They said you weren't the host,
That's a lie,
'Cause I know where you've been,
I saw you click that link,
I nearly sighed, I nearly sighed,
'Cause you balked keyboard in hand
With another spam in my face.No reply, no reply.
CopyClef 2005 The Beatles and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North Amurcan Bupkis, Intrusive Internet Outlaws.
Moulton - Nov 15, 2005 6:44 am (#39 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
All Things Snotty
Let's reprise one of our favorite songs, just for Claudie...
ARTIST: Barsoom Tork TITLE: You're So Mean
Moulton - Nov 15, 2005 7:03 am (#40 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
I've Got A Feeling
I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside Oh yeah, Oh yeah. I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide Oh no. Oh no, Oh no, Yeah I've got a feeling.
Oh please believe me, I'd hate to diss your pain Oh yeah, Oh yeah. And if you grieve, I won't tempt fate again Oh no, Oh no, Oh no. Yeah I've got a feeling yeah.
All these years I've been gamboling about, Wondering how come nobody told me All that I was looking for was somebody Who snerked like you.
Ev'rybody had a hard year Ev'rybody had a good time Ev'rybody had a wet dream, Ev'rybody saw the sunshine Oh yeah, Oh yeah.
Ev'rybody had a good year, Ev'rybody let their hair down, Ev'rybody pulled their socks up, Ev'rybody put their foot down. Oh yeah, Oh yeah.
Gastrin Bombesin - Nov 15, 2005 9:43 am (#41 of 65)
Who can make your skin crawl? Who can wrench your gut?
Edited by Barry Kort Nov 17, 2005 4:55 pm
Numa Numa Yay!
Miya-hee
Miya-hoo
Miya-ho
Miya-haha
Vrei Sa Pleci Dar Nu Ma, Nu Ma Iei
Nu Ma, Nu Ma Iei, Nu Ma, Nu Ma, Nu Ma Iei.
[You wanna split cuz you don't want,
Don't want to have me,
Don't want, don't want to have me,
Don't want, don't want, don't want to have me.]
[Click to start QuickTime Video of Numa Numa Yei.]
Halo?? Salut??
Sunt Eu, un Haiduc.
[Greetings, Halo.
It's Me, an Outlaw.]
Credit: Leg-O-Zone QuickTime parody of Dragostea Din Tei by Franky Pageos.
Pseudomarx - Nov 15, 2005 6:52 pm (#42 of 65)
the return of class struggle
I am just glad that I have DSL now, so that I can enjoy this.
Yesterday has been like entering a whole new era for me personally.
I had a problem though after installing Mac's Quick Time on my Windows XP. Hope it doesn't return.
Speaking of a new era: is nobody of you guys familiar with the strategy game Civilization?
I have been playing Civilization III like an addict since late August.
Barry.Kort - Nov 15, 2005 6:55 pm (#43 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
I liked the Sim series better, and the puzzle games of the Myst series and the ones by Cliff Johnson.
Pseudohermes - Nov 15, 2005 8:13 pm (#44 of 65)
don't shoot the Albatross
I have installed SimCity IV on my new computer, but I haven't gotten in the mood for playing it really yet.
When
I bought my first computer in April 1996, an Apple Performa, it came
with MYST and I played it heavily and my brother even more. But somehow
for me (probably because I am too dumb) both MYST and later RIVEN
pretty soon turned into pretty frustrating addictions. I am not very
tempted to get the follow-up games.
So which version of Civilization
did you play and for how long? Even after three months I still find the
concept of the development and clashing of various civilizations
fascinating. I love that I still haven't figured out the game after all
these months (I still never won as 'prince', let alone as 'god') and
yet I am *not* frustrated.
Pseudomarx II - Nov 15, 2005 9:37 pm (#45 of 65)
imagine Marx had created a forum ...
00107 TEMPO FM
a station that I only discovered today, now that I can fly
Artemis
- Nov 15, 2005 10:11 pm (#46 of 65)
The mystical is not *how* the world is, but *that* it is. --Wittgenstein
Pseud, check out http://shoutcast.com if you're looking for lots of musical selections.
Artemis
- Nov 16, 2005 12:05 am (#47 of 65)
The mystical is not *how* the world is, but *that* it is. --Wittgenstein
Question of the week
If you divide the diameter of your pumpkin by its circumference do
you get pumpkin pi?
Barry.Kort - Nov 16, 2005 5:10 am (#48 of 65)
The Muppets Will Rise Again
No. You get the reciprocal of Pumpkin Pi.
Moulton - Nov 16, 2005 6:59 am (#49 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
So which version of Civilization did you play and for how long?
I played primitive Unix versions of these games back in the 70s, before they evolved into glitzy commercially packaged versions for Windows.
Archos - Nov 16, 2005 7:17 am (#50 of 65)
i do forums
I played primitive Unix versions of these games back in the 70s, before they evolved into glitzy commercially packaged versions for Windows.
Oh, Moulton, you need to become a child again! A teenager at least.
If you divide the diameter of your pumpkin by its circumference do you get pumpkin pi?
Heh. Don't ask me.
Pseud, check out http://shoutcast.com if you're looking for lots of musical selections.
Thanks! I just downloaded iTunes yesterday. VIVALDI! Just what I need right now.
http://www.sky.fm/mp3/hit70s.pls
Moulton - Nov 16, 2005 7:24 am (#51 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
Artemis and I are not only consumers of online audio programming.
We are producers, as well.
Now that you have DSL, if you want to webcast your private CD collection, you can use one of our vacant channels.
klaatu - Nov 16, 2005 7:53 am (#52 of 65)
I'm impatient with stupidity, my people have learned to live without it.
How would one of us non-authorized USU students get access to that?
Moulton - Nov 16, 2005 8:14 am (#53 of 65)
The Man Who Mistook His Life For A Chat
I can assign you a vacant channel on ShoutCast, if you select that
system. On IceCast, you can just make up a name for your channel.
klaatu - Nov 16, 2005 8:33 am (#54 of 65)
I'm impatient with stupidity, my people have learned to live without it.
One what basis would I select one over the other? Can you point me to instructions on how to use it?
Pseudomarx II - Nov 16, 2005 8:38 am (#55 of 65)
imagine Marx had created a forum ...
Mostly Classical Now serving 8887 listeners!
Currently Playing:
Bach - Concerto for Bassoon and Orchestra, in E sharp major, T 8,13
I feel like I am a different person, now, that I am listening to music while posting.
Oops, finished.
klaatu - Nov 16, 2005 9:02 am (#56 of 65)
I'm impatient with stupidity, my people have learned to live without it.
Bach - Concerto for Bassoon and Orchestra, in E sharp major, T 8,13
There is no such thing.
Pseudomarx II - Nov 16, 2005 9:08 am (#57 of 65)
imagine Marx had created a forum ...
I believe you.
Doesn't matter. I just listened to it. Or that's what SKY.fm told me at their website.
At the moment I'm trying out Modern Jazz. Not bad at all.
TumbleWeed - Nov 16, 2005 10:13 am (#58 of 65)
All Choked Up
One what basis would I select one over the other? Can you point me to instructions on how to use it?
On the basis of which DJ client program you care to install. On Windows, if you use WinAmp, you will probably select the ShoutCast DNAS PlugIn, as that is the most popular. Other DJ clients, both freebies and commercial, are available for most platforms. I use MacAmp on the Macintosh, which supports the ShoutCast DNAS protocol. On Linux, there are more options, including ICES and DarkIce for IceCast.
Each site where the software is offered for download has accompanying documentation pages. At ShoutCast you can find the link for the WinAmp/ShoutCast DJ client.
Pseudohermes - Nov 17, 2005 7:14 pm (#59 of 65)
don't shoot the Albatross
What I am listening to right now:
http://www.sky.fm/channel/playlist/trance
Trance. Interesting concept. DJ Lithium. Hmmm.
Pseudohermes - Nov 20, 2005 10:30 am (#60 of 65)
don't shoot the Albatross
some of my favorites of Barry's collection:
Moulton, "Moulton's Nickelodeon" #2, 11 Nov 2005 6:20 am Razz Barry Fields
Moulton, "Moulton's Nickelodeon" #5, 11 Nov 2005 6:43 am Do Ya' Think I'm Crazy?
Moulton, "Moulton's Nickelodeon" #8, 11 Nov 2005 6:57 am North American Pie
The Day Due Process Died
Barsoom Tork, "Moulton's Nickelodeon" #9, 11 Nov 2005 7:02 am Heart of Glass
Montana Mouse, "Moulton's Nickelodeon" #18, 11 Nov 2005 10:31 am The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down
It's really a heartwringing collection retelling the pain that was inflicted on Barry because of lack of empathy.
Now 60% water
It's really a heartwringing collection retelling the pain that was inflicted on Barry because of lack of empathy.
Do you mean Barry's lack of empathy for others?
Someone who habitually gets themselves banned from forums apparently has a problem taking others into consideration.
Now, sure, those 'songs' might be a cry for help, but his behavior--and the beliefs that create it--Barry is holding onto those with both hands and isn't about to let go.
Pseudohermes - Nov 20, 2005 10:37 am (#62 of 65)
don't shoot the Albatross
You're a sucker for group bullying, Bela. I almost inevitably root for the individual never mind his flaws.
Now 60% water
Well, good for you. Helping others maintain their fiction is of dubious aid.
Anyway, enjoy your guilt trip. Golly, someone even bought tickets for you.
Pseudohermes - Nov 20, 2005 11:07 am (#64 of 65)
don't shoot the Albatross
I don't feel guilty, Bela. Not one yota. I am just surprised by the force of Barry's resistance.
Others have tried that way better to send me on guilt trips.
Now 60% water
Barry will be back, when this 'swing' is over.
Moulton's Nickelodeon